The Three Lives We All Lead
You know how people always say, “Don’t judge a book by its cover”? Well, that’s because we all have different sides to ourselves that we show to other people. It’s like we have three different lives going on simultaneously: our public, private, and secret lives.
The Public Life
Your public life is the face you show to the world. Everyone sees the “you” when you’re out and about, doing your thing. You’ve got your public persona on at work, school, and grocery store – wherever you are.
You’re usually on your best behavior when you’re in public mode. You mind your manners, polite to people, and try to put your best foot forward. After all, you never know who might be watching!
The Private Life
Then there’s your private life. Only your closest family and friends get to see this side of you. It’s the real you, warts and all.
In your private life, you can let your hair down and just be yourself. You don’t have to worry about impressing anyone or putting on a show. You can wear your ratty old sweatpants, binge-watch reality TV, and eat ice cream straight out of the carton.
Your private life is where you can really relax and recharge. It’s your safe space, where you can just be you without any judgment.
The Secret Life
But wait, there’s more! Everyone also has a secret life, whether they want to admit it or not. This is the part of you that nobody else knows about. It’s the thoughts, feelings, and desires that you keep hidden away from the rest of the world.
Your secret life might include things like your deepest fears, your wildest dreams, or your guilty pleasures. It’s the stuff that you might be embarrassed or ashamed to admit to anyone else.
But here’s the thing: having a secret life is totally normal. Everyone has things they keep to themselves, and that’s okay. As long as your secret life isn’t hurting anyone (including yourself), there’s no shame in keeping some things private.
Why We Have Three Lives
Protecting Ourselves
One of the main reasons we have these different lives is to protect ourselves. Let’s face it, the world can be a pretty harsh place sometimes. By keeping some things private or secret, we’re shielding ourselves from potential judgment, rejection, or even harm.
For example, let’s say you’re struggling with a mental health issue. You might not feel comfortable sharing that with just anyone, so you keep it as part of your private or secret life. That way, you can deal with it on your own terms without worrying about what other people might think.
Different Roles and Relationships
Another reason we have different lives is that we have different roles and relationships with different people. You might act one way with your boss, another way with your best friend, and yet another way with your romantic partner.
Each of these relationships requires a different side of you. With your boss, you need to be professional and put-together. With your best friend, you can be goofy and let loose. And with your partner, you can be vulnerable and intimate.
Having these different lives allows us to navigate the complex web of relationships in our lives without having to be “on” all the time.
Personal Growth and Exploration
Your secret life can also be a place for personal growth and exploration. It’s where you can dream big, try new things, and push yourself out of your comfort zone.
Maybe you’ve always wanted to learn how to paint, but you’re too embarrassed to take a class. So you buy some supplies and start experimenting in the privacy of your own home. Or maybe you’ve been questioning your sexuality, but you’re not ready to come out to anyone yet. So you do some research and soul-searching on your own.
Having a secret life gives you the freedom to explore and grow without the pressure of outside expectations or judgment.
The Importance of Authenticity
The Dangers of Living a Lie
While it’s normal and healthy to have different lives, it’s important to make sure that you’re not living a complete lie. If your public, private, and secret lives are totally at odds with each other, it can take a toll on your mental health and relationships.
For example, let’s say you’re married but you’re secretly having an affair. You’re living one life with your spouse and another life with your lover. That kind of deception is not only unfair to your partner, but it’s also incredibly stressful and emotionally draining for you.
Or maybe you’re pretending to be someone you’re not in your public life. You’re putting on a fake persona to impress people or fit in. But constantly wearing a mask is exhausting, and it can make you feel like a fraud.
Being True to Yourself
The key is to find a balance between your different lives and to be as authentic as possible in each one. That doesn’t mean you have to spill your guts to everyone you meet, but it does mean being true to yourself and your values.
If you’re feeling disconnected or phony in any area of your life, it might be time to do some soul-searching. Ask yourself: what do I really want? What’s important to me? How can I align my actions with my values?
Being authentic isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it. When you’re being true to yourself, you’ll feel more confident, more at peace, and more fulfilled in all areas of your life.
Embracing All Sides of Yourself
Integrating Your Lives
At the end of the day, your public, private, and secret lives are all part of who you are. They might seem separate, but they’re all interconnected.
The goal isn’t to compartmentalize your lives so much that they never intersect. Instead, it’s about finding ways to integrate your different sides and let them inform and enrich each other.
For example, maybe something you learn in your secret life (like a new hobby or skill) can be applied to your public or private life. Or maybe a difficult experience in your private life can give you empathy and compassion in your public interactions.
